A Teddy's Guide to Humans

by Brummipapiteddy, Elder Teddy Bear, Professional Hugger, and Observer of Humans for over 50 Years

Humans are fascinating creatures.

After spending more than fifty years living with them, I have come to the conclusion that they are wonderfully kind, endlessly curious and occasionally very confusing. Unlike us teddy bears, humans change constantly throughout their lives. Fortunately, after observing two generations of children, I have become something of an expert.

Allow me to introduce the different stages of a human's life.

The Different Ages of Humans

Babies

Humans begin life surprisingly small and remarkably loud.

They possess only a limited vocabulary, yet somehow manage to communicate every imaginable emotion at impressive volume. They also sleep at the most unexpected times, often while someone is trying very hard to entertain them.

Babies love cuddling. This is excellent news for us teddy bears.

However, young teddies should be warned that babies investigate everything by pulling, squeezing, chewing or throwing it. Your ears, nose and paws will all receive thorough inspections.

Do not take this personally. It is simply how baby humans study the world.

Teddy Tip:
If you are washable, life becomes considerably easier. But even if you are not (like me) don't worry. Water really goes a long way here to get us clean again.

Kindergarden Humans

This is where the real adventures begin. Actually I started my journey with a young kindergarden kid. And I can truly say that they were the best years of my life!

Kindergarten humans have discovered imagination.

One morning you may be the captain of a pirate ship sailing across dangerous oceans.

By lunchtime you have become a brave firefighter rescuing kittens from volcanoes.

In the afternoon you might find yourself serving invisible soup at an elegant teddy tea party before being rushed to teddy hospital with thirty-seven broken bones.

Fortunately, teddy medicine works extremely quickly. A single bandage, one kiss on the forehead, and you are usually fit for your next adventure.

Kindergarden humans will also often take you with them wherever they go. I still remember endless walks through the forest tugged under the arm of my kid, boat tours where I was afraid of capsizing, art exhibition visits with subsequent painting sessions on the balcony at home, visits to relatives and friends where I got to know Pit, the budgie, a white fluffy and humorous dog and lots of other teddy bears, time in the sand pit, the first vacation to the seaside etc. It is not just the kid that is starting to see and explore the world, we teddy bears are too!

If you are lucky they also love listening to stories read to them by their parents. I absolutely loved this. We teddies were snuggling up to our kid while her mom was reading us books and stories taking us to new places and introducing us to new things. It gave me so much to think about. And usually I also got a lot of hugs as well!

Kindergarden humans also like to play games. We teddies and my kid were sitting in a circle playing all kind of board and card games, many invented by her and we were laughing and having fun. The only important rule is that the kid always needs to win. This rule can never be broken.

Kindergarden humans also enjoy asking very important questions.
"Can teddy bears fly?"
"Do penguins eat pizza?"
"What if the moon falls into our garden?"

I have learned that these questions rarely require correct answers. They simply require someone willing to imagine along with them. And in case you have to know, a quick internet search usually gives you some usable answer.

Primary School Humans

Primary school humans become explorers.

Every stick is a boat. Every cardboard box is a spaceship. Every blanket can become the roof of a magnificent secret headquarter.

This is still a very exciting time for a teddy bear.

You may accompany your kid on space trips in the living room.

You might help solve mysterious crimes committed by invisible villains.

You could travel to the North Pole before lunch and the Moon before dinner.

Homework also appears during this stage.

Curiously, many humans believe their teddy bears possess remarkable mathematical and writing abilities.

I have been asked to supervise homework countless times. Whether I actually improved the answers remains a matter of scientific debate. But I really can do math!

Teenagers

Many young teddy bears worry when their human becomes a teenager. The primary school time had homework but was otherwise still a relatively carefree time. Now is the time when life gets more complicated and difficult.

The signs can be alarming.

Your human suddenly spends much longer outside the house and even when they are at home they don't spend so much time playing with you anymore.

Some become a bit of a rebel and start fighting with their parents almost frequently. Their friends are now more important than you are. At least that's how it seems.

Words such as "Whatever," "Seriously?" and "I'm fine." appear with surprising frequency.

Worst of all, your teenager may announce: "I'm too old for teddy bears."

Do not panic.

Well, okay, I have to admit that this never happened to me with my kid. But some of her friends did. So I think I can still talk from experience.

Experienced teddies know this phase well.

Observe carefully.

Although teenagers may no longer carry you everywhere, they almost always keep you nearby.

You may be promoted from Adventure Companion to Hugger in Chief. This is an important position. It involves quietly watching over your teenager during difficult days, exam weeks, broken hearts and those evenings when everything feels more complicated than it did yesterday.

And those days are surprisingly common even if your kid is good at school and has nice friends.

Teenagers rarely admit how comforting it is to know that an old teddy is still there.

But we know.

I was not the main teddy bear anymore when my kid became a teenager. But she still loved and kept me! So take heart! It's also a time when your friendships with the other teddies in the house deepen. After all sometimes a lot of hugs of several teddy bears are needed to wipe away the flowing tears at this stage.

As my kid was busy with her own life, it was also the beginning of the phase where the other teddies and I began developing our own hobbies and interests. When the kid and her dad got a computer, we teddies learnt how to program in the mornings when she was at school and her dad was at work. We practised playing all kind of pieces on the piano, played chess tournaments, had dance parties, read all the books we could find in the house and became ever closer friends with each other.

University Humans

Life now changes a lot for your human. She is suddenly a grown up and not a kid anymore. Humans begin learning astonishing amounts of new information while simultaneously forgetting to buy food for dinner.

Many claim they no longer need teddy bears. Yet a surprising number quietly place one familiar teddy into a suitcase before leaving home.

Naturally they insist this is purely decorative. Experienced teddies are far too polite to argue.

I was only with my kid during parts of her university time. Dino, a fluffy brown bear who had become her favorite teddy as a teenager, spent the rest of the time with her. While I was roaming around with the other teddies in the house, Dino was there with her all alone. But she moved in with other students and one of them had brought a hippo from China. Dino and the hippo soon became very good friends and Dino still has some wonderful and unbelievable sounding tales to tell about this time.

Adult Humans

Adults are perhaps the most puzzling humans of all. They come in all sorts of different varieties and it is difficult to give advice once you have reached this stage.

Adults often say they are "far too busy." They are now busy earning money, finding a partner if they didn't find one already at the university stage or in general they find other things to be busy with.

Yet somehow they still find time to smile when they discover an old teddy while cleaning the attic. Interesting.

Unfortunately this is also one of the phases where we are most in danger of being thrown in the garbage can. I was lucky that my kid never considered doing this. She loved and still loves all her teddy bears. But I have met some teddies in my life that were thrown out and are now living in the forest. Dino's hippo friend (unfortunately) is one of them. But so I can confidently say: Even if you are thrown out, it is not the end of the world. There is life after the garbage can!

If possible you should check out before where the nearest forest and the nearest library are. Securing an email address before this stage is also a good idea. Once you live in the forest, the library becomes a very important place for you. It's the place to warm yourself in winter and to stay in touch with your old friends via email and the internet.

Parents

This is one of my favourite stages. When my kid introduced me to a tiny new human. "This," she said proudly first to her daughter and then to her son, "was once my favorite teddy. Doesn't he still look cute?!"

There was a smile. The tiny human hugged me. And just like that... Another adventure began. And if there is a second kid like in my case, there is even yet another adventure a few years later!

Final Observation

Humans grow taller. Their voices change. They move to new homes. They learn new skills. They travel the world. Some become parents.

But deep inside, I have discovered something wonderful.

The little child who once hugged a teddy before bedtime never completely disappears. Sometimes they simply need a reminder. That, I believe, is one of the most important jobs a teddy bear can have.

One last word

If your human is having a difficult day, don't worry about finding the perfect words.

Sit beside them. Listen carefully. Offer a hug if one is needed - and it almost always is.

In my experience, that has solved more problems than all the advice in the world.


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